This post is a skin flick.
I have a confession to make.
I was reading an article online and realized I was reading Prevention. This set off a couple of alarm bells:
I have apparently entered my “reading and sharing articles” phase.
I was reading Prevention. This is their mission statement:
“Prevention is here with science-backed advice to help our reader live as long as they can, with as much energy, joy and ability as possible.”
“Live as long as they can.”
Woof. I am now in that demographic. And here’s the kicker - I LIKE PREVENTION. There. I said it. Because I’M their target audience. What orthopedic shoes are stylish? Where to travel without a lot of steps. What skin care products will slow your march toward Resting Shar Pei FaceTM?
I have a hereditary turkey gobbler, so I’m always looking for ways to eradicate it. I have deep dark circles under my eyes. I have milia. I have the aforementioned keratosis instead of blackheads. Hair is randomly bursting out of my face. Help me, Jojobi Balm, you are our only hope.
“You were talking about an article. Get your ADD under control.”
Yes. So I was reading this article about face washing. From age 18 to age 45, I really didn’t wash my face. A splash of water, maybe a quick Neutrogena cotton ball, perhaps some eye makeup remover. I’ve never bragged about learning a rigid self-care routine - I’m Gen X, people, we were feral.
But Prevention talked to a legit dermatologist and here is what they said:
To be honest, I can’t tell if Beehive lets me link externally (insert swearing) so if you can’t, here is the gist of it: “Typically, the recommended face wash frequency is twice a day. This can help prevent bacteria and other environmental debris from building up on the skin at a stable level to avoid irritation and breakouts,” shares Teresa Song, M.D., Board Certified Dermatologist at Marmur Medical. Above frequency, however, Dr. Song says you’ll want to pay the most attention to the ingredients in the products you are using to wash your face.
TWICE A DAY!?!?
Who has time for that shit? And also, if I washed my face twice a day my skin would be so dry I’d have face dandruff. I am a bona fide Night Owl and therefore a big fan of sleeping as late as I possibly can, so if I need to be out the door at 7 a.m. to drive to work, my alarm is going off at 6:31 a.m. with one nine-minute snooze button in there. I pick out my outfit the night before. Everything is lined up next to the door to grab and run. Current Husband makes my beige coffee in a Yeti tumbler. It’s down to a science.
“You know you can moisturize your skin, right?”
BITCH, PLEASE.
Have I mentioned that Instagram has crawled into my brain and exposed my every weakness? My impulse shopping, particularly between 9:00 - 11:11 p.m. is off the charts. I have creams, gels, masques, balms, lotions, serums, liquids, acids, powders, and oils. But this is nighttime work, people. I’m not fixing the potholes on the interstate at 6:00 a.m. I don’t even exercise and have to waterboard myself to get any hydration at all.
And here’s the kicker - I’m still aging.
I’m not trying to snag a husband, so why exactly do I care? I’ll tell you why: Because apparently, I care what OTHER WOMEN think. My kids are used to me and probably prefer that I age gracefully and quietly. Current Husband has the gift of declining eyesight to miss my wrinkles - it’s like he has a built-in filter - and the gift of declining hearing so I can be the gassy girl I want to be. But I want other women to think I “look great for my age” and not hear me fart. And I can’t tell you why. But I bet Instagram or Meta can!
SO. Tell me. Are you washing your face twice a day?
God, I hope not. And if you’re washing your face three times a day, I’m going to kindly ask you to leave.
What is your routine? What products do you use that are awesome and actually work (disqualified if you sell them) and what was a total waste of money?
Wash your face, Gentle Wifers.