THE RETURN OF THE WIFE.
No more PCP. No more George the Superpet. No more pigtails. No more kids at home. No more clear, relatively unlined skin. No more form-fitting t-shirts. No more body temperature regulation. No more periods. Things have changed, people.
Hi.
It has been almost exactly a decade since I wrote my last blog post. A lot has happened to me. I’m sure a lot has happened to you, too.
Let’s Recap
I’m still married to Current Husband (we’re surprised too.) Oldest Daughter is married. The Son is married. Youngest Daughter has graduated from college and has a big-girl job. George the Superpet died and I still miss him. We have two old Standard Poodles now - Trice Hilton is 10 and Puck Finn is 8. The Son’s snake is still alive. I had cancer. I lost my dad. I’ve moved three times. I’ve worked in Corporate America for the last 15 years but most of my soul is still intact because I indulge in Rage Crafting, where I break vintage plates and make them into bowls and wall hangings. What’s up with you?
“You left. Why should I trust you?”
So. A decade ago. Why did I stop blogging? Well, there are a number of reasons, but the most prevalent is that my kids went from being young padawans to pre-teens, and when teachers in middle school started bringing up the blog to them, I realized how devastating something like Whoreticulture Friday could be to a teen.
“So, yeah, did you read my mom’s views on getting Brazilians? Cool, huh!?”
But now the kids are tax-paying adults with their own opinions on the pros and cons of Brazilians, and it made me realize that I can perhaps safely blog again.
So, here’s the deal. I want to post 3x or so a week. It will usually be about…wait for it…a day in my life. I’m The Wife. Hence the name. But there are some guardrails I’d like to set, because I do still love and regularly talk with my kids, and I’d like to keep my job.
The Rules of Being a Wifer
RULE #1: The first rule of being a Wifer is you do not talk about being a Wifer. Particularly to my kids, my manager at the day job, Current Husband, and my mother.
RULE #2: If you read the blog, you can’t be uncomfortable with the blog, or you should leave the blog. Those who should consider not reading the blog are:
Anyone who has spent any amount of time in my uterus.
Those evicted from my uterus’s significant others and their in-laws.
HR, my manager and anyone higher up than me in the company (pretty much all of you.)
My priest. I’d include you, Jesus, but you already know.
People who are squeamish about my uterus. And swearing.
Trolls, and other magical beings.
RULE #3: Have fun. Interact. Share your stories and grow the tribe.
RULE #4: There are no rules. Honestly. You’re grown-ass adults (and if you’re not, GO TO BED) and you can make your own decisions. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to have you judge me.
SO. ARE YOU IN?
I sure hope so. Giddyup.
Until next time, Gentle Wifers.